Best of The Zombieslayer

The Best of The Zombieslayer

Fame is a Train Wreck

August 22, 2005

Someone handed me a slew of Ukranian jokes the other day. They're funny but they're exceptionally crude, way too crude to post on my blog. Even I have limits. I started thinking of Ukranian women and of all people, Oksana Baiul popped into my head.

I thought, whatever happened to Oksana Baiul? I did a little research and found that her manager's preparing her for a comeback. Now, forget trainwreck, this woman's a plane crash.

Why are celebrities always whacked? I won't even bring up the Jacksons, but you look at just about everyone with exceptional talent and they're a basket case.

Case in point, Axl Rose. Yeah, I know you hate him. I hate him too, but you have to admit that guy had more charisma than just about any other singer in the last twenty years. Appetite for Destruction to this day is still one of my favorite albums, even though I heard it two hundred times.

I loved the Roseanne show. It was that show that snooty people loved to hate because it was the most realistic portrayal of a working class family on TV. They didn't resolve all their issues in thirty minutes. Often, they didn't resolve their issues. They decided just not to deal with half of them and move on.

I loved her doing stand-up too. She was crass, crude, and sometimes annoying, but you have to admit, she had talent. Now, Roseanne's a trainwreck too. Not as bad as Axl or MJ, but even if she looked like Oksana Baiul, I couldn't marry her.

Funny, going back to Guns and Roses and Axl, I look at Slash, Duff, and Matt, and they're right back with another problematic singer. Izzy's had enough and races cars now.

Why does anyone want to be famous? I sure don't. It's been said everyone get their fifteen minutes of fame. Well, you can have mine. If this blog gets famous and anyone wants to go around being the Zombieslayer, go for it. Just don't do a George Michael or anything dumb like that.

That's the great thing about living in Santa Barbara. This town's a who's who for all the Hollywood morons so for a regular bloke like me, I can disappear in the crowd and not get noticed.

If I ever write that American novel I keep saying I'm going to write, it's going under a pseudonym, just in case it sells. Even when I was a musician, I had a pseudonym and was buried under so much makeup I would have made Tammy Faye Baker proud.

Well, I guess I'm lucky. I got enough attention as a child. I don't want fame, I'll take fortune though. And I still do want to run for Congress, but not out of glory. I want to get in, make a few changes, and get out. You already know what they are.

So my question for you, can someone want fame and not be a trainwreck? Why do people want millions of people they'll never meet leering at their image in a magazine or in a movie? I couldn't answer that one, because I'm not one of them.

Shootin' Political Correctness in the head since May 2005. If you're soft skinned or weak at heart, you might want to try elsewhere.