Best of The Zombieslayer

The Best of The Zombieslayer

Too much perfume

June 21 , 2005

I was parking my car in the downtown garage and passed this guy that I could have smelled from fifty feet away. No, he wasn't a hippie. He was a yuppie with obvious issues about his smell.

With some of these people, I think of that Guns and Roses song, you know, the one that goes
I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it
so a little got more and more

Why do they have to wear so much? Is it because they've become so immune to the smell of their perfume/cologne that they forget they have it on?

What happened when that guy was young? Did he go poo poo in his pants in the first grade and carry the nickname Poo Poo Pete until his parents had to move to Florida?

All right, I'll admit. I'm a Zombieslayer, not a pop psychologist, so your guess is probably better than mine. I do know from one of the sexiest women I've ever known the correct way to apply perfume (or cologne).

You start off, right out of the shower, completely naked. Spray the bottle once or twice in the air. Walk through the spray once forwards and once backwards.

Not everyone should be able to smell your perfume (or cologne), only the one you want close to you. If you're wearing too much, you're hiding something, and turning that special someone away.

Also, more importantly, colognes and perfumes have been known to attract zombies. Wearing too much is a sure way to draw attention to you during the zombie plague. Attention is something you do not want. Remember friends, the key to surviving this upcoming plague is simply survival, not heroics, and not drawing too much attention to yourself. So either learn to wear that perfume/cologne correctly, or throw the bottle out.

Shootin' Political Correctness in the head since May 2005. If you're soft skinned or weak at heart, you might want to try elsewhere.