Best of The Zombieslayer

The Best of The Zombieslayer

The third wheel

October 10, 2005

I know your bestest buddy and her boyfriend are just swell. I'm not denying that. I know you love hanging out with them, and that they not only make you laugh so hard your eyes water, they're even your primary inspiration for when it comes to writing. Any way you slice it though, you're the third wheel.

In private circumstances, that's fine. But in public, it's usually not. Take for instance you're in a restaurant cracking up at their spontaneous humor and having a whale of a time, when you see someone of the opposite sex that is absolutely hot.

That someone sees you and immediately recognizes your situation. You're the third wheel. Right away to that special someone, a big L appears on your forehead. In this case, it's not all good.

So scratch that idea right now of getting a number. If you do manage to get a number, it will be a random number they make up on the spot. Unless of course they feel sorry for you, but that's not a good way to start a relationship. Think Back to the Future how Michael J. Fox's parents met because his mother felt sorry for his father. We all know where that relationship went.

And lastly, when the zombies come, and you're the third wheel, well, nothing personal but your needs come last. The Zombieslayer Institute of Technology has even found some past instances of couples pushing a third wheel in the direction of the zombies to make their escape that much easier. Not a situation you want to be in.

So the next time your bestest buddy takes you out, you have three options. One, make sure it's just you and her. Two, get a fourth person. Or three, pretend you're sick. Of course you don't want to ruin a good friendship, but then again you never want to be a third wheel in public.

Another friendly tip from your friend and mine, The Zombieslayer.

Shootin' Political Correctness in the head since May 2005. If you're soft skinned or weak at heart, you might want to try elsewhere.