Best of The Zombieslayer

The Best of The Zombieslayer

Major stereotypes

September 5, 2005

This post is for Ben. He just started college and what better way to send him off to college than give him dozens of stereotypes?

My college years were weird. I started off in Psychology. As someone who likes to get out and meet people, I went to a lot of Psychology major parties and found them to be quite, dull. They all spent time trying to analyze what other people really meant and not enough time letting loose and enjoying themselves. Of all people, Psychology majors are the least likely to be happy.

I only spent one year as a Psych major and finished up college with a degree in History. Sure it didn't make me very economically viable at first, but I loved it. Of all the majors, I think History and English are the most fascinating. Plus English was the most likely major to have a Hot Professor to learn from. That's a nice bonus.

History though was 99% men. We had only a handful of females in my senior year and of course every one of them had a boyfriend (and for some strange reason, not one of them dated a fellow History major. So I got no loving from History girls).

History does have its stereotypes. There are three main types of History majors:
1) Someone going on to a Law degree,
2) Someone going on to a degree in something else,
3) Someone who is about to panic about the future immediately after graduation.

As you can see, nobody seems to do anything with their History degree, other than occasionally you will see someone on Jeopardy. That $14,318 they won on Jeopardy will probably be the bulk of their income for the year though.

I went back to college several years later in Computer Science. It was a big building with the Engineering students too. Man, talk about boring people. Here's one tip. If you want to get a chance for some action with someone from the opposite sex and you're either a Comp Sci or Engineering major, do two things:
1) Ditch every other Comp Sci/Engineering friend you have. They scare the opposite sex away. Trust me. "I can program in Java, C/C++, Perl, Unix Shell Scripting, and even some Fortran" is not a good pickup line.
2) Lie. To the opposite sex, you are anything but a Comp Sci/Engineering major. Not only do Comp Sci/Engineering students not get dates, there's a very good reason they don't get dates. Smelling like a European for one usually does not attract the opposite sex.

And not only that, in the corporate world, the Engineering staff stands out at the company party. They're the ones staring at their feet the whole time and leaving before the fun begins.

And now for stereotypes on other majors

Art majors are more often than not pretentious snobs. And I just love how "non-conformists" all look the same. You ever notice that? Not only that, of all majors, Art majors are the easiest to offend.

Economics or finance majors will go on to be your boss, usually useless idiots who do no real work but make twice your salary because they know how to tell you what to do. So whatever you do, Ben, wear a mask when you beat one of them up because that guy you just beat up might be your boss in ten years.

Nursing majors were the most likely to take their tops off at a party.

Education majors had wonderful hearts, but very rarely had anything upstairs.

I felt sorry for anthropology majors, so I won't go off on them here. They were usually such nice people, but I think that major was the #1 major for welfare recipients with college degrees.

Biology majors are only in college because their parents told them they had to go to college. They're also the most likely to complain about their major being too "haaard." I've taken biology classes. Believe me, that major is anything but hard.

Physical Education majors are the source of the "dumb blonde" stereotype. If you round up everyone with a Physical Education degree and shoot them, the average I.Q. of blondes around the world would instantly shoot up 50 points.

For some strange reason, Philosophy majors get all the babes. I've never understood this, but Dave explained it's because they know what they're talking about and they're confident. Sad thing is, they also excel in the corporate world as well. I should have majored in Philosophy, but I dropped my Philosophy class after spending several weeks discussing that stupid cave.

Math majors are all weird. They're usually goofy looking too.

So everyone, give Ben a hand. Tell him your major and what were "your people" like? If it was one of those mentioned above, were they as goofy as how they were in the colleges I went to? And of course if you didn't go to college, we're always game for an off color joke.

Shootin' Political Correctness in the head since May 2005. If you're soft skinned or weak at heart, you might want to try elsewhere.