Best of The Zombieslayer

The Best of The Zombieslayer

Three to beam up

September 8, 2005

You won't be beaming me up, Scotty!

I know you watched Star Trek before so don't even pretend you've never seen it. You ever notice that Scotty always refuses to be teleported and he always takes the shuttle craft if he has to go anywhere?

Well, there's a reason for that. It's because beaming you up kills you.

In a nutshell, the teleporter takes an image of you, breaks up your matter, and recreates it somewhere else. If your matter is broken up, you're dead. It's taking a snapshot of you and putting it somewhere else while destroying you.

Think of it like a clone. Let's just say they clone you, somehow get your memories into the clone's head, and kill you. Well, to everyone else, they think it's you because they remember the time you dropped those expensive plates and so does the clone. But that clone still isn't you. You're dead.

Kind of like Fidel Castro. We Americans have been trying to kill him for decades now. Little do we know, we've succeeded and Fidel is really Clone #6. (One had a heart attack, one had lung cancer from all those cigars, and we've killed the rest).

That's how it is with the teleporter.

So you young people out there, when they start offering lots of dead presidents for testing the teleporter, just say no. Don't think of all da bling bling you could buy. Remember what your friend the Zombieslayer told you. And remember, the guy who operates it and the only guy on the ship who knows how it really works always takes the shuttle craft. No coincidence there.

Shootin' Political Correctness in the head since May 2005. If you're soft skinned or weak at heart, you might want to try elsewhere.