My State Of The Union Address

For the longest time I have wanted to write this but I just kept putting it off and putting it off. Finally, after months of procrastinating, I told myself to sit my ass down and do it. So here it is. This is something you’ll never hear anywhere else. This is the State of the Union address I would give if I ever were elected president.

My fellow Americans, it is with both honor, and trepidation that I come before you this evening. For years I have watched as my predecessors stood here at this very podium and presented lie after lie about the state of our nation. The American people deserve the truth, and the truth is what they are going to hear from me tonight. They may not like what they are about to hear, but nonetheless it will be the truth.

The state of our union is, to say the least, perilous. We are a nation on the precipice, and if we haven’t tumbled over into the abyss, we soon will unless drastic measures are taken to restore our republic to former vigor.

While from all outward appearances America may be suffering from an economic crisis that has affected millions of its citizens, internally we are suffering from a cancer that if left untreated, will leave this country with far more serious consequences.

In 1795, George Washington declared “The Constitution is the guide which I never will abandon.” If only my predecessors had held to that belief, if only the members of Congress had held true to that belief, our nation would not need to hear the words that I am about to say.

Unfortunately they haven’t. The esteemed members of Congress, both past and present, have taken it upon themselves to write laws which regulate every aspect of your lives. They have taken it upon themselves to overstep the limits imposed upon them by the Constitution, so that your lives might be safer, and more secure.

However, that was not the intent of our nation’s founders when they drafted the Constitution. As Thomas Jefferson once said, “The policy of the American government is to leave their citizens free, neither restraining nor aiding them in their pursuits.”

Under my administration, with the support of the American people, I intend to restore America to those principles, and set our course for restored prosperity. It won’t be easy, each of us is going to have to make some sacrifices, but it must be done if our nation is to survive.

The very first thing I intend to do as president is to examine every piece of legislation which finds its way to my desk. If I cannot find a specifically enumerated power in the Constitution which justifies that bill, I will veto it and send it back to the Congress with my warning that unless they begin to limit their actions to those specifically enumerated powers, each bill they send me will meet with the same response.

Next, I intend to rescind every Executive Order ever issued from the office which I now hold. It was never intended that the president legislate, and for far too long that is exactly what has been happening. That will not happen under my watch.

The purpose of this government is to manage the affairs of this nation, putting America’s interests first. We, as your elected servants, have neglected to do what is in the best interest of America, and have sold our souls to the devil. We have given our allegiance to the special interest groups who contribute the most to our reelection funds.

To again quote Thomas Jefferson, “Merchants have no country. The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment as that from which they draw their gains.” These special interests, who, for far too long, have held this government hostage to their demands, will no longer have any power over which bills I sign, and which ones I veto. My two concerns are going to be, first, does the Constitution authorize me to sign this bill, and secondly, is it in the best interest of America that I sign it? If bills do not pass those two litmus tests, I will not sign them.

At one time, not so long ago, America was a manufacturing giant, leading the world in production and innovation. What happened? In the interest of globalization, and the search for profit, corporations have moved their operations overseas, to countries such as China, so that they can produce cheaply made goods, at a fraction of the cost that it would take to make her in America.

This practice has caused America to become a second rate nation when it comes to manufacturing. Congress, who writes the tax code, has given huge tax breaks to these corporations while they reap appalling profits at the expense of American jobs. This has got to come to an end. While we import almost everything we consume in this country, our trade deficit continues to grow.

Therefore, as president, I am recommending that we impose tariffs upon all imported goods. This will begin to offset the effects of jobs lost by American workers. Until America is once again on equal footing in regards to trade, we will no longer give these foreign countries, who pay their workers substandard wages, an unfair advantage. We will put American workers back to work, making American goods, or we will put our foreign competitors out of business.

Next, corporations which do operate overseas will find that their tax breaks have vanished. They will pay for their lack of concern for American workers by paying higher taxes for operations overseas. Also, any corporation which hires its workers abroad under the H1B visa program will find that its corporate taxes have suddenly gone up.

Finally, we must secure our borders and protect Americans from those who enter this country illegally. Any employer who is found to have illegal workers in his employ will face stiff fines, and be responsible for ensuring that those workers make their way back to their native lands.

Not only are these illegal aliens taking jobs that Americans could be doing, they are bringing crime and a third world status to our neighborhoods. America is indeed a melting pot, but the term melting pot implies that you become part of the whole, not remain isolated and balkanized in communities where no English is spoken and your American culture and laws are disregarded. If you wish to come to this country to live and work, then you will obey our laws and speak our language.

Secondly, for too long this government has lived beyond its means. We have borrowed ourselves into a hole from which it will take decades to climb out of. The Federal Reserve Bank has pumped so much worthless paper into our economy that the dollars you do have are worth pennies compared to what the same amount your parents survived upon.

Therefore, I am recommending that the Federal Reserve halt its Quantative Easing and a full scale audit be performed upon them. If the slightest discrepancy is found during this audit, those accountable, both past and present, will find the full weight of the Justice Department coming down upon them.

Next, at one time Americans were a self-sufficient responsible people. Now they are addicted to government for both subsidies and directions on how to live their lives. It is not our responsibility as elected officials to dictate to you what you can and cannot do in your lives. If you wish to ride a motorcycle without a helmet, so be it. Who are we to say you must wear a helmet? However, if you are involved in an accident and suffer traumatic brain injury due to your actions, do not ask your government to pay your medical bills, or hold society in general to blame for your actions. That goes against everything that this country once stood for.

Americans must once again take responsibility for their actions and their own lives. This includes their planning for retirement. Social Security and Medicare are two of the largest debts this government has incurred, and they are debts that are strangling us.

This body, to whom I now address, has squandered the money, money they coerced you into putting aside for your retirement, and now we are borrowing ourselves into bankruptcy to fill our obligations. Something has got to change.

We must wean ourselves off these government programs, plan for our own future one again, or our nation is going to bankrupt itself. Therefore, if you have been paying in to Social Security and Medicare and are above the age of 35, your retirement will be secure. However, if you are under the age of 35, all payroll taxes you have had taken out to fund these programs will be refunded to you and it will be the responsibility of every American to plan for their retirement. If you do not do so, there will be no government safety net to support you. Americans must once again learn what the old saying, ‘put aside some money for a rainy day’ means. If this means you do not get that new SUV, or big screen TV, then that is the way it has got to be. It was never intended that this government be the retirement planner for its citizens.

Along those lines, I, as president, will veto any bill which contains subsidies of any kind. No more will the taxpayers of this country be forced to subsidize everything from art and entertainment to the production of wheat. However, no longer will this government tell farmers that they cannot grow an unlimited supply of produce, or sell it to whomever they please, at any cost the market will handle. The free market system would work, if government kept its hands out of it and allowed it to function as it was intended…free of government interference.

Next, as you the American people have elected us to be your voice in government, we will no longer bow down to the dictates of the United Nations. The UN does not have the best interest of the citizens of this country in mind when they pass their resolutions. Therefore, immediately I am withdrawing the United States from the UN and giving them 30 days to pack up their belongings and move their operations to the country of their choice. It makes no difference to America, as long as they take their affairs elsewhere and cease imposing their globalist demands upon the people of this country.

Also, in regards to our own foreign policy, I intend to hold firm to Jefferson’s belief that, “Commerce with all nations, alliance with none, should be our motto.” Therefore, I intend to give the order that all American forces serving under UN command be brought home. Furthermore, I am ordering that all US forces be pulled out of not only, the Middle East, but the rest of the world. It is not the purpose of the U.S. military to be the bringers of democracy and stability to the nations of the world. If a foreign country wishes U.S. troops upon its soil to defend them then two things will happen. First of all, they must pay all expenses of housing, and maintaining these troops. And secondly, all troops sent must be volunteers. I will no longer order our fighting men and women to the far reaches of the planet to provide peace and stability, or to install democracy in countries that do now want it. If the world wants to convert to democracy, let them, we will gladly become friends and trading partners with them. But it will not be our goal to overthrow the regimes of any country, no matter how oppressive. We must remember that this nation was born out of oppression. No country sent troops to our soil and forced liberty upon us, and we will no longer do that either.

America will be ready and willing to place itself as friends and trading partners with any nation on the earth who has something to trade with. However, if any nation attacks us, retribution will be swift and costly. This so-called War on Terror, instituted by this government, is a futile exercise designed to expand the government’s ability to spy upon the people of this country who, are more often than not, true patriots who only want to see us stay out of their lives.

Therefore, to appease the elements who say that we are under attack because we have placed troops upon their holy land, we will let them have their land, free of American troops. However, freedom comes with a cost. First, along with that freedom comes the loss of all foreign aid. Beginning immediately America will no longer issue one cent of foreign aid. Why should American taxpayers be forced to pay aid to people in other countries? No more!

Next, since we will be giving these terrorists their freedom from U.S. intervention in their nations, we will issue a stern warning. Do not mess with us! Any attack upon the U.S. or U.S. interests will be met with swift and costly retribution. Since we cannot determine who issues the orders for these attacks, we will attack your countries ability to survive. Oil is your lifeblood. If America is attacked, your oil fields will be rendered useless for centuries.

Therefore, I am issuing a stern warning to all heads of state in the Middle East, reign in your radical terrorists, or your country will pay the price.

These demands may find that our Middle Eastern oil suppliers raise the cost of oil in retribution. Therefore I am ordering that all restrictions upon drilling be lifted within the confines of the continental U.S.

In the meantime American’s may find they are paying more for their gas at the pumps. American engineering will be called into action to help offset this. I will propose that the first American automaker who comes up with a car which will get 100 miles per gallon, will pay no corporate taxes for a period of two years. This is contingent upon the car being both designed, and built buy Americans. Once the car is in production, I am recommending that upon the purchase of these vehicles, buyers not be required to pay any sales tax, and also get a tax credit for them. America must become energy dependent, but we must also curb our consumption of this limited commodity.

These steps are just the beginning of many which must be taken to restore our nation to its former greatness. In the meantime, I hold Congress accountable for upholding their oaths of office to support and defend the Constitution of the United States.

These public servants have failed you, the American people. Therefore, they will no longer find my signature upon any bill which raises their salary or benefits until they begin to once again represent you, the American voters. Secondly, they will receive compensation for only as long as they are acting members of this body. They will have to fend for themselves upon retirement, just like every other American will. It is not fair for the American people that the members of this body retire and place their retirement upon the backs of the American people.

I know this speech may have come as a shock to many, especially those members of Congress sitting in this chamber. I have given this much thought and the seriousness of the danger America faces calls for serious and drastic measures.

America is in for some rough times, but I believe that there are enough good, honest, hard-working people, who can turn things around if we, the government, just get the hell out of their way. Win or lose, succeed or fail, the future of this country will once again be where it always belonged, in the hands of the American people, not a bunch of elected officials who meddled in affairs that they had no business meddling in. Good night America, and good luck.

About Br'er Rabbit

I'm just one person out of millions of others. The only thing different about me is that I don't walk around with my head up my ass.
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